How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job by Helgesen

Unlocking Female Potential in the Workplace

Merging Expertise to Break Boundaries

In "How Women Rise," thinkers Sally and Marshall unite their experiences and findings to develop a roadmap for ambitious women keen on transcending career barriers. Marshall's wheelhouse includes identifying hindrances obstructing high achievers from realizing their potential. In contrast, Sally thrives in a universe revolving around women leaders, with nearly thirty years spent delving into and understanding their unique challenges.

Shattering the Glass Ceiling

The duo have singled out self-monitoring and the ceaseless yearning to please as typical behaviours demonstrated by women. Not only that, but they also spotlight in the book functional strategies to outmanoeuvre these behaviours. Self-criticism is rife among successful women, a trend that goes against the grain of successful men's tendencies to deflect blame, an observation Marshall made while coaching.

Paving the way for Authenticity

Sally, herself, noted the power of authenticity over perfectionism during a seminar led by Marshall. Accepting and expressing one’s true self was more impactful than agonizing over a perfect presentation. The insights and action plans laid out in the book are fundamentally for every woman who aspires to achieve career advancement. By combining their unique perspectives and insights, Sally and Marshall deliver advice that's unequivocally tailored for women seeking to ascend in their professions.

Rising Above: Recognizing Self-Sabotaging Habits

Striving for Individual Success


In 'How Women Rise', the spotlight is on women realizing and surmounting obstacles that stymie their career growth. The book prompts women to conquer these hurdles independently, defining success on personal esteem, not societal dictates. It illustrates the point with real-world instances of women who’ve inadvertently stymied their growth due to reluctance in taking credit, obsessing over perfection, and overindulging to gratify others.

Crashing Through the Glass Ceiling


Though complexities like gender biases and old-boys' cohorts are recognized, the thrust lies in smashing personal hurdles hindering accomplishments. Example narratives illustrate women underplaying their triumphs or overplaying the nice girl card, losing sight of their career advancements. This creates a disconnect, highlighting the necessity for course correction to attain professional success

Bridging The Gender Divide


Complementing the pursuit of individual victories, the book explores gender differences in defining and pursuing triumphs. Drawing from a study initiated by Sally and her associate Julie, it emphasizes how women place more substantive value on aspects like cooperative victories. The book delineates how women can overhaul these deep-seated habits, helping society move beyond outmoded norms and demarcations of success.

Overcoming Resistance for Personal Growth

Exploring The Power Of Resistance

Helgesen's discourse underscores the truth about resistance – it's a roadblock standing between individuals and their desired changes, most notably among women. This potent force, fuelled by ingrained neural pathways and excuses for adhering to long-existing behaviors, forms an invisible barrier, thwarting progress.

The Delusion of Being Unchangeable

The relentless grasp of the 'success delusion' is another hurdle, a belief that past victories are evidence enough to abstain from future transformations. Those caught within this delusion struggle to see the relevance of change, effectively becoming a hindrance to personal growth.

Stages Of Resistance and The Female Experience

Helgesen presents detailed stages of resistance informed by Marshall's model and a female-specific counterpart. Women often grapple with their unique form of resistance, commencing with feelings of discouragement, evaluating feedback's credibility, and critically inspecting their behaviors.

Stereotypes, Biases and Internalized Resistance

Stereotypes and biases intricately shape the feedback received, leading to near-impossible situations for women. Additionally, women tend to embrace societal expectations of prioritizing others' needs, contributing further to resistance. A powerful key to breaking free lies in comprehending and challenging one's personal beliefs acting as resistance enablers.

Battling Female Stereotypes in the Workplace

Breaking the Sound Barrier

Ever felt like your ideas are overlooked while others receive the applause for similar contributions? According to Helgesen, you're not alone. This phenomenon, especially in workplaces, impacts women most. It's a habit referred to as 'speaking while female'. Your voice may be muted, dismissed, or even stolen by a male counterpart - subtly undermining your confidence and success.

The Damaging Dozen

A dozen detrimental habits, as discussed by Helgesen, often hamper women's progress. These aren't your typical culprits. They're unique to the female experience, though not exclusive entirely. While males might self-sabotage differently, these twelve actions often detract from a woman’s professional journey.

Fettered by Former Faults

No one likes to be shackled by their past. Yet, companies have a knack for casting roles according to an individual’s history. So, if you’ve made a mistake before, you might find a new path denied to you. It's not personal, just an unfortunate bias for action. However, it could prevent you and your colleagues from learning, growing, and improving.

The Cost of Understated Achievements

Modesty Jeopardizes Recognition

A prevalent trend among women across various sectors is the hesitation to flaunt their accomplishments. This understated approach, despite producing quality work, hampers their professional visibility. The vast majority prefer to share the credit rather than be labeled as self-promoters. This mindset, deeply rooted in an either/or perception, limits their career progression.

Real-World Consequences

A profound illustration of this can be found in the story of Amy, head of an arts foundation. Despite her exceptional performance in organizing a notable charity event, she let her male co-chairman receive all the credit, reducing her own recognition. Battling a similar struggle, a group of women from a leadership forum in an accounting firm admitted they found self-marketing more challenging than the act of boasting.

Self-Promotion is Career Promotion

Undermarketing oneself doesn't only risk undervaluation, but it also opens up opportunities for less deserving individuals to shine. This ultimately discourages women from aiming for more high-rung roles. Therefore, it is imperative for women to market their achievements astutely, highlighting their self-worth. Realizing one's potential and acknowledging one's value is the vital first step to effective self-promotion.

Empowering Your Career Growth

Becoming Visible in the Workplace

In the professional realm, we often expect that our hard work will speak for itself. It's common to presume that our bosses or colleagues will recognize our contributions without us having to highlight them. However, as this compelling text points out, this mindset can become a pitfall, especially for women, like Amy and Ellen who hold significant positions in various sectors.

The Power of Self-Advocacy

Ever found yourself stuck in your work journey? It may be due to your reluctance to claim your achievements. It seems that waiting for others to acknowledge our work not only lowers our job satisfaction but also breeds resentment. The narrative of Maureen, a senior partner at a law firm, elucidates the importance of self-advocacy. Fighting for your credit isn't being greedy; it's about giving yourself the respect you deserve.

Articulate Your Visions and Goals

Ever wondered how to assert your presence without seeming boastful? The answer lies in knowing how to efficiently communicate your achievements, ambitions, and incentives. Take for instance, the elevator pitch. A well-developed, concise and confident elevator speech allows you to stand out and sets the stage for you to generate opportunities. Eager to establish your place in the professional world? It's time to master your elevator pitch.

Guided by a Clear Purpose

Success isn't just about seizing every opportunity that comes your way. It's about learning which propositions resonate with your values and align with your future goals. With a clear sense of purpose in hand, you can evaluate these opportunities better. By doing so, not only do you ensure your authentic growth, but you also preserve your self-worth and integrity in this competitive world.

Reconfiguring Perspectives on Power and Expertise

Talent Is Not Enough

It’s a common mistake to hold expertise as the pinnacle of professional advancement. Indeed, mastery in a field is crucial, but it's simply not enough for career ascension. Highest rungs of the success ladder aren’t necessarily reserved for the greatest experts.

The Blind Spot of Female Professionals

Women, in particular, often fall into the trap of concentrating on expertise. They focus on mastering their field as a validation strategy, intending to earn recognition. However, this laser-aimed concentration on expertise can lead to other crucial skills falling by the wayside.

Power Index: Much More than Expertise

Remember Ashley and Ana? Their stories emphasize that the path to higher roles and recognition is always paved with more than just sheer skills. Skills like relationship building and visibility become critical as well, challenging the mindset that values expertise alone.

A Balanced Power Play

Helgesen reminds us that there’s not one, but really four kinds of 'power' at play within organizations: expertise, connections, personal authority, and positional power. A balanced cultivation of these different powers can help women amplify their impact and navigate the professional arena with success.

The Power of Relationships in Professional Success

The Dilemma of Leverage in Relationships

While women excel at forming relationships, they often hesitate to use these ties for personal career advancement. This hesitance often arises from a fear of appearing self-serving or manipulative.

Understanding Reciprocal Leverage

Utilizing relationships is not a one-sided affair, but a reciprocal process where both parties seek mutual benefits. These well-crafted connections often yield tangible rewards and are indispensable for career advancement.

A Dual-Edged Sword

Whilst women tend to nurture relationships for various reasons like friendship or altruism, this multifaceted approach can be a stumbling block when it comes to advancing their careers, as observed by executive coach Julie Johnson.

Emotional Support vs. Strategic Alliances

Women's propensity to foster strong personal relationships rather than transactional ones is a strength that lends emotional resilience and joy. However, it's essential for them to strike a balance by intentionally cultivating relationships bearing professional growth in mind.

Unlocking Allies for Successful Career Progression

Embracing Connection Over Competence

It's a common assumption that proficiency and expertise alone can pave the way for success. However, focusing solely on personal expertise, particularly from the get-go, may not be the most effective move. Unlike their male counterparts who seek out connections instantly, women often lean towards mastering their skills first. Emphasizing the importance of striking a balance, one can't underscore enough the necessity of establishing allies from day one.

The Power of the Ally Network

Establishing allies isn't just about friendly connections; it's laying the groundwork for career progression. Allies, ranging from colleagues to superiors and sponsors, can bolster your professional journey in exceptional ways. These advocates believe in your abilities and help pave a path to success. A diverse ally network broadens one's base, offering support, boosting visibility, and enhancing the likelihood of finding valuable sponsorships.

Amplifying Opportunities with Ties

Connections come in many forms. These could be the strong bonds of dedicated mentors providing invaluable advice, or the 'weak ties' of loose connections, perhaps offering unexpected career opportunities. Interestingly, weak ties are often as valuable as strong ones. Devoting time and energy into cultivating a variety of connections can reap vast benefits, creating potential leadership opportunities and sharpening your personal brand.

Overcoming Career Stagnation in the modern Workforce

The Career Trap Many Women Fall into

It's a common but unfortunate scenario for many talented, hard-working women in the workforce; finding themselves stagnated in their current position indefinitely. Despite their expertise, they watch as others zoom past them in the race to professional advancement. This is often due to an overemphasis on current job roles to the detriment of overall career development. A major culprit - a virtuous one at face value - is loyalty. But this can become a snare, restricting long-term career progression.

The Importance of Visibility and Networking

To break free from this quagmire, it's imperative for these women to make their career the priority. One fundamental strategy is creating visibility and establishing connections. Staying put in the same position for too long has the unwelcome side effect of curbing long-term job satisfaction and potential income. Not all sacrifices are noble, least of all those that might jeopardize your personal career growth.

Dispelling the Myths Holding Women Back

It's also crucial to tackle misconceptions that may constrain women in their professional lives. For instance, ambition is not a vice; it is essential to self-interest and career progress. This requires a paradigm shift to perceive each role through the prism of long-term self-interest and potential for career advancement. It's time to shake off the shackles of guilt and judgment that obstruct women from reaching their apex.

Escaping the Perfection Trap

Perfectionism: A Double-Edged Sword

We often admire perfectionists for their attention to detail and drive for excellence, but there's also a downside. The desire to be perfect can lead to increased stress, a negative mindset, and even disappointment. When left unchecked, this pursuit of flawlessness can distract from the big picture and lead to micromanagement and risk aversion.

Gender Expectations Amplify the Pitfalls

Society's gender expectations can propel women and young girls towards this perfection trap. Their mistakes frequently get judged more harshly, especially in male-dominated work environments. This gender bias fosters a fear of failure, limiting their willingness to take risks and foster innovative ideas.

Turning the Tide

High-performer Vera lost out on a CEO position due to perfectionism. Her colleagues found her controlling, judgmental, and risk-averse, characteristics directly linked to her fear of making a mistake. Her story underscores the importance of striking a healthy balance. Take Dana for instance, another perfectionist who champions high standards while staying tolerant of mistakes, an approach that's earned her confidence, resilience, and success.

Minority Women Face an Added Layer of Pressure

The stakes are even higher for women from minority backgrounds as the fear of not being perfect carries a communal weight. Their perceived missteps can reflect negatively on their whole community or company, creating an intensified fear of making mistakes. Awareness of these nuances is key to understanding and dismantling harmful perfectionist tendencies.

Unraveling 'The Disease to Please'

Understanding the Desire to Please

Dr. Helgesen's text digs into the 'disease to please', a pressing issue predominantly affecting women. Chronic pleasers struggle with task delegation, constantly aiming to be useful and prioritizing others. This seemingly altruistic trait often opens doors to manipulation, decision-making chaos, and unreliability.

The Societal Impact on Women

Social norms contribute significantly to this problem with women, who are typically rewarded for agreeability and help. While there are upsides to being a chronic pleaser, like the ability to perceive and fulfill people's needs effectively, it often hinders demonstrated leadership and a stable grasp on personal power.

Striking a Balance

The examples of 'Nancy' and 'Ilsa' illustrate this problem well. 'Nancy', a chronic pleaser, often felt overwhelmed with responsibilities, steering away from her personal goals. 'Ilsa', a coach helping 'Nancy', identifies guilt and fear of negative perception as key factors contributing to 'Nancy's' problem. By learning to set boundaries, 'Nancy' starts a journey towards prioritizing her needs alongside meeting others' expectations.

Maximizing Power in Professional Settings

Challenging Minimizing Behaviors

In professional environments, women often unintentionally belittle themselves, both physically and linguistically. This habit stems from a tendency not to intrude, but it ends up sending an undesirable message of submissiveness to others in the room. Men, conversely, confidently occupy space without attempting to minimize themselves or their possessions.

Language’s Role in Power Dynamics

The language women use could be reinforcing the same lack of authority. Words such as 'just' and 'only' are perceived as not conveying confidence, thus undermining a woman's power. Similarly, using 'we' instead of 'I' can muddle one's singular achievements and contribution in group projects.

Effect of Cultural Norms

Certain societies greatly value modesty and meekness in females, which often makes it challenging for women to give up minimizing behaviors and confidently express themselves. This cultural expectation holds them back, especially in countries like Japan, where women are engraved with the concept of being reserved and soft-spoken.

Becoming Visible and Present

Commanding communication in professional settings is directly tied to one's presence. By being more present, women can create better cross-cultural interactions, become more empathetic, and gain credibility and respect. Multi-tasking, distraction, and exaggerated responses to random events are barriers to being firmly present.

The Solution: Unlearning Habits

Such diminishing habits, whether physical or linguistic, are not instinctive but acquired, which means they can be unlearned. Seeking change can spur women to harness tranquility and power, asserting themselves more firmly in professional situations.

Understanding The 'Too Much' Habit In Women

Unmasking the 'Too Much' Trap

Helgesen's 'How Women Rise' provides a deep dive into a prevalent habit amongst women in professional settings known as 'being too much.' This includes suppression of emotions to fit in with workplace norms, often leading to feelings of inauthenticity and exhaustion. Worsening as careers progress, this habit presents a catch-22 of being 'too much' or 'not enough.'

Expressions of vulnerability can be misinterpreted or met with discomfort in predominantly male environments. Additionally, women are often criticized for excessive enthusiasm, verbosity, and personal disclosures.

Leveraging Emotional Intelligence

Rosa, a construction executive, managed to channel her strong emotions constructively. By voicing her concerns about a project in an open meeting, she displayed emotional intelligence leading to thoughtful consideration of potential repercussions. This highlights the power of authentic expression, strategic communication, and emotional transparency.

Embracing Conciseness in Communication

Aiming for succinctness, Sherry utilized her medical background to influence her corporate communication style. Recognizing that excessive elaborations often lead to disengagement, she now coaches women to communicate more effectively and concisely. Her insights underscore the vital role of precise, crisp communication in professional environments.

Balancing Disclosure and Professionalism

While disclosure is a common way for women to build relationships or project authenticity, it can negatively impact workplace perceptions. Men tend to connect over competitiveness and shared activities, whereas women value personal conversations and vulnerability. Therefore, maintaining professional credibility often means treading a fine line between sharing personal information and overdisclosure.

Overcoming the Traps of Rumination

Women's War with Rumination

It is often observed that women habitually stew over past slips-up, attributing every misfortune to their own shortcomings. This self-oriented regret, known as rumination, is a mind-set trait found to be more prevalent in women than men. It not only accentuates feelings of despair but also blocks problem-solving endeavours.

The Toxic Influence of Rumination

Rumination, is not just emotionally draining, it's a potential trigger for chronic depression and can negatively affect both physical and mental health. People stuck in such self-analysis may find themselves so wrapped up in dissecting their past that they fail to discover any solutions to their problems.

Breaking the Cycle of Rumination

Interestingly, mental diversion or a sudden encounter can serve as effective antidotes to break this recurring chain of negative self-talk. Shifting focus from the personal to the broader picture can help ruminators overcome this tendency. An exemplary incident involved a film producer named Liza, who could sever her downward spiral of self-blame after she learned that her professional setbacks weren't personally attributable to her.

'Men Move On' Strategy

Another proactive approach is to emulate men’s propensity to let go of past errors instead of engaging in self-recrimination. This mindset, perfectly embodied in a marketing executive named Gina's mantra of 'men move on', helped her halt destructive thoughts and thus, rumination from setting roots. This enabled her to maintain her assertiveness and decision-making ability in executive meetings.

Rumination at The Executive Level

Rumination is particularly rampant among women at higher echelons, where self-confidence and decisiveness are indispensable. A coaching client named Julie highlighted the pressing need for women in such positions to redefine their narratives by putting an end to ruminating habits.

Harnessing the Power of Noticing Styles

Spotlight on Noticing Styles

In Helgesen's work, the distinct ways men and women perceive and engage with their environments are explored. Women are typified as having a 'broad-spectrum' noticing style, while men are viewed as having a 'laser-like' focus. These differences, purportedly evolutionary in origin, can present unique challenges and advantages in today's organizations.

Unleashing the Potential of Radar

The narrative expounds on how women's broad-spectrum 'radar' can be both an asset and a hurdle. It can lead to overthinking and self-doubt, impairing performance in certain scenarios. However, harnessed correctly, this unique noticing style can be a powerful ally.

Navigating Radar to Success

Through tangible examples like Taylor, an executive coach, and Hadley, a garden design service award winner, effective strategies for navigating and utilizing this 'radar' are demonstrated. They underscore the importance of managing distractions, reframing negative thoughts, and using authenticity as a tool to enhance communication and drive success.

Paving the Way for Sustainable Change

Embracing Incremental Change

In the pursuit of personal growth, the power of small, sustainable steps proves remarkably potent. One habit, one change at a time, establishes longevity and avoids the pitfall of overwhelming, yo-yo modifications. Sustainable changes, driven by focused and consistent effort, become habitual over time, yielding long-term results.

Navigating Habit Clusters

Addressing individual habits within a cluster emerges as an effective strategy to overcome obstacles. These clusters, formed by intertwined behaviours, demand careful unpicking. Prioritising one behaviour within the knot of habits simplifies the journey and fortifies the continuum of change.

Powering Change with Purpose

A clear understanding of one’s purpose fuels the change process. Goals, clearly articulated and shared, solidify the motivation quotient. The recognition of which behaviour to address first becomes easier with a well-defined personal statement of purpose.

Harnessing Teamwork for Behavior Change

Power of Collective Effort

The Summary 'Don't Do It Alone' in 'How Women Rise' by Helgesen magnifies the struggle of altering habits and the power of receiving assistance. Helgesen illuminates the problem of functioning on 'autopilot.' This reflexive conduct makes it challenging to switch routines. Yet, enlisting a coach can disable these scripts and steer individuals towards reforming their conduct.


Boost Your Transformation Journey

If a personal coach isn't available, Helgesen suggests drawing on colleagues, friends, managers, or direct reportees. They can provide an equivalent level of guidance and support. Not only does this tackle the 'forgetter' that enables us to revert to 'autopilot,' but it also ensures continued progression on the transformation journey.


Paving the Path to Change

The recommendations offered encompass meticulously selecting the right person to aid your journey, clearly outlining your requirements, and setting a timeframe. Other aspects include learning to accept feedback, expressing gratitude, ensuring follow-ups, and marketing your commitment to change. An intriguing concept, 'peer coaching,' is also introduced as a valuable instrument for individual development and alterations in behavior.

Combatting Self-judgment for Progress

Embracing Forgiveness

In "How Women Rise" by Helgesen, an intriguing concept of wielding forgiveness as a weapon against self-judgment is unraveled. It's apparent that self-judgment can often restrain us, particularly women, who are discernibly harsher on themselves. However, by harnessing the power of forgiveness and self-forgiveness, one can significantly counter this self-imposed constraint.

Navigating with Feedforward

Feedforward, a future-focused strategy, is articulated as an efficacious method of garnering ideas and proposals for self-improvement. This unique technique, unlike its counterpart feedback, is devoid of criticism or intervention, providing a platform for individuals to gather various suggestions, thereby paving a way for them to progress.

'Oh Well' Attitude

The simplistic expression 'Oh well', as advocated by Helgesen, is another invaluable tool to accept errors and proceed. This approach, grounded in recognizing our own humanity, fortifies our readiness to concentrate on upcoming tasks, thereby eliminating unneeded guilt or remorse.

The 'To-Don't' List

A handy device to eschew irrelevant or ungratifying tasks is the creation of a 'To-Don't' list. This list aids individuals in prioritizing what truly matters, thereby permitting them to discard time-consuming, restrictive, and minimally beneficial activities. This intentionality in disregarding the unessential paves the way to focus on what is genuinely significant.

Unlocking Women's Hidden Potential for Success

Transformative Self-Improvement

Many successful women, like renowned leader Frances Hesselbein, are continually open to personal growth, eager to mitigate behaviors that might hinder their advancement. Behaviors that constrain are often oddly intertwined with their inherent strengths that have been pivotal in their ascent thus far.

Decoding the 12 Limiting Behaviors

There are twelve particular habits that women should ideally scrutinize for self-realization. The art of balancing mastery of recognition of personal achievements along with acknowledging the roles of others is paramount. The fear of self-advertisement often stems from a deep-seated reliance on others to acknowledge and value their contributions.

Disrupting the Status Quo

While overvaluing expertise originates from high respect for job-specific skills, it is essential to foster relationships based on worth and not manipulate them for personal gain. Striking balance between job and career, loyalty and personal growth can sometimes inhibit one's self-progression. The perfection trap, originating from the constant desire to please and not disappoint, should be addressed to accelerate potential.

Stepping into One's Power

Awareness of unnecessary self-minimization, oversharing, and frequent ruminations can lead to a more authentic existence. Being compassionate and empathetic yet mindful of their impact on personal capacity is crucial. Women, for maximizing their potential, might need to step beyond comfort zones, confront self-limiting behaviors, and acknowledge their strengths alongside their continual quest for self-improvement.

The Key to a Positive Difference

Aiming for powerful and influential positions to bring about positive changes in the world can often be the ultimate push needed for holistic self-improvement and success.

Navigating Professional Challenges: A Guide for Women

A Guide to Overcoming Career Obstacles

'How Women Rise' shares the wisdom of Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith, breaking down barriers that women frequently encounter on the professional front. By proffering realistic solutions and guidance, Helgesen and Goldsmith illuminate the path for women striving to climb the corporate ladder.

The Power of Awareness

With a keen understanding of the twelve tendencies that often thwart women's professional progression, the duo underscore the significance of self-awareness. By acknowledging and addressing these habits, women can unlock the doors to their career advancements.

Leading Through Challenges

Replete with real-life examples and case studies, 'How Women Rise' pushes against conventional leadership narratives. It seeks to inspire and empower women, showcasing that despite bumps in the road, professional success is absolutely attainable.

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